By Adriana Sommer da Costa
Psychologist and Sexologist
Have you ever stopped to think about your sexual
options? Have you ever defined your own sexual
orientation, or are you in need of sexual
guidance? But what is sexual
guidance and what benefits could we get out of it?
The sexual guidance can be viewed from a dual perspective. In much as to help young people to define themselves concerning either their sexuality and the sexual orientation confronting society, as well as to find a manner to deal with sexual pleasure and those people whom they will share it with.
Therefore, this capacity to become related to somebody whether for loving bows or sexual pleasure being related to the inner sensations of an individual who can have a homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual nature, which will direct this individual to the affective-sexual role he will or not play in society.
When it comes to the choice making of sexual partners, the most intimate preferences, desires and will for being with somebody are involved, which is a significantly more embracing field, since there is multiple ways of obtaining sexual pleasure and it’s exactly the choice of a partner that is going to define the sexual preference.
Attraction and desire, in affective terms of being sexually attracted by someone of the same sex, fall in a group classified as homosexual. Attraction and desire, in affective terms of being attracted by people of the opposite sex, fall in a group classified as heterosexual. And there are those who feel attracted and also have affective-sexual desire for people from both genders, as much for men as for women. These are in a group classified as bisexual.
According to this, doubts and anxieties may become a common routine for the youth and adolescents alike (and adults as well), for if they skip the rules of the society, which has a far better acceptance for the heterosexual choices, those people tend to sexually questioning themselves, however normal individuals. As if sexual choices other than heterosexual were something evil or wrong.
Nobody becomes a peculiar character by simply choosing somebody from the same sex in order to get affection and sexual pleasure. It is all a matter of how much of learning and guidance each person acquires through his/her physical and emotional development, of which he/she will feel and experience his/her sexuality, being able from then on to choose who to love and have pleasure with. There cannot be right or wrong, normal or abnormal when the subject refers to feelings and sexuality. Since someone isn’t compelled to do something he/she doesn’t want to, neither there is no harm for him/herself nor to his/her partner whether physically or psychologically, there’s no reason to fear such discriminatory society. Nowadays, in relation to the sexual choices and preferences, the society has been more lenient as homosexuality and bisexuality becoming reality worldwide. Everybody should have the right to choose whatever considers best for themselves. The choice of freedom is ours and nobody can take it away from us.
And what about sexual guidance as source of aid for this and many other questions concerning sexuality? We know that sexual guidance possesses some vectors and each vector will have their principles and methods of practice.
The beginning of sexual guidance lies in the family. It is in the familial environment that the main identifications appear (sexual fancies and so on, according to each phase a child goes through, in agreement to Freud) and all the sexuality gets elaborated and developed. Still, the family plays role model, at least on the level of giving the right guide lines as in what is right or wrong, making use of a very simple language. It is important to clarify every doubt that a child might have, since the mass media’s influence is a fundamental factor in quickening the sexual curiosity in children. To talk about sexuality whenever the child asks about is also important, always employing proper terminology, for instance in identifying the genitals. If by any chance, an answer is unknown or uncertain, it would be better to reassure the child that the answer will come at some point soon. Care should be taken in order to prevent that time elapses without an answer given or the child would clarify her/his doubts someplace else other than home, which could result in misleading information.
Currently, there are many ways available to obtain relevant information about sex, like books, magazines, TV programs, the Internet or even friends. However, it is at home, in the familial environment, for sure, that the initial doubts must be clarified, as all this orientation that the parents will supply the child will make room to an harmonious relationship, in which all the following doubts will be extinguished through open conversations, worthwhile that is.
The next step in guidance comes from school, where there should be a kind of subject on aspects of biological information regarding sexuality, facilitating the previous knowledge for all those transformations that take will place during adolescence, all of which loads of doubts and cravings derive. This would also bring the benefit of prying open a door at school for open conversations, since sexuality is flourishing every time more precociously in young people under the cloak of audacious smooches and snogs, hugs and kisses in the corridors, the good old make out. I believe that it would bring a better understanding of such sexual questions among the youngsters.
Of course, sexual guidance at school would demand a professional from the psychology area whose in depth knowledge in sexuality would enable the set up of such a place where discussions with groups of students would be rendered possible.
Not everyone knows oneself sufficiently, and frequently people don’t know how to deal with their own sexuality. That’s how important and adequate a good professional is for such an extracurricular activity.
Sexual guidance is always welcome at home, at school, with qualified professionals, since there is respect and understanding related to tastes and preferences concerning an individuals’ choices, hence happiness lies on how to be happy, aside heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality.