By Kelly Cristine Barbosa Cherulli
Psychologist and Sexologist
We usually say that human beings tend to respond in an unpredictable, unexpected way, when confronted with anything new or unknown. The reactions shift from anguish, anxiety, fear, stress, panic and others, due to the emotional charge released by the individual during the event.
So, we can say that there’s a first time for everything. Each person who lived her first crush, the first love, the first eye-to-eye contact, the first time the hands met, the first kiss, the first touch, and the first time she had sex, is perfectly capable of understanding what we’re talking about. All these experiences without exception leave marks, impressions, reflecting in a positive or negative way in any given future experiences.
Thus, the first sexual intercourse is a delicate and important life moment for any individual. There involves a lot of expectation, tension, anxiety, fear (of pain or failure). Besides a lot of qualms (beliefs and myths) as result of lack of proper information and the cultural and religious values of a specific time. However, the sexual initiation should be faced as the first step of a long and continuous learning that makes part of the whole personal maturation process.
We usually say that, the one who never had sex is a virgin. The word actually refers to boys and girls who haven’t had sexual intercourse yet. That is to say, the one who practices only oral or anal Sex would technically still being a virgin. Today, we believe that anyone who performs such practices has already started his/hers sexual life. So, they’re no longer virgins.
Biologically speaking, since puberty men and women are ready to reproduce, therefore ready to start sexual life. But that’s not true. Emotional aspects besides social, economic, cultural and religious factors play major influence in the sexual initiation of each individual. Today, this initiation is happening more and more prematurely. More and more adolescents precociously start to initiate their sexual lives, as consequence of diverse factors. And the repercussion isn’t always positive.
Girls suffer by anticipation due to the fear of feeling pain. It’s important to know that not every woman feel pain in her first time, as well as not every woman bleeds. The more relaxed and excited they’ll be, the more probable of feeling no pain at all. In case of feeling pain, it’s due to the contraction of the vaginal musculature (when the woman is tense) or a possible lack of lubrication (when the woman is not sufficiently aroused). In what refers to the bleeding, it is due mostly to the form and position that the hymen (the membrane placed at the vagina opening) breaks. The bleeding can be heavier or lighter, or simply does not occur.
In relation to boys, we can state that their biggest problem is the fear of failure, which connotes being unable to hold a good erection. Some boys have reported insecurity about what and how to do. In this case, there’s no reason to be ashamed. You may use your hands (or your partner’s hands) guiding the penis, to ease penetration. It’s uncommon for boys to feel pain that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to happen in some cases.
Finally, we’re unable to state the best age to begin the sexual life. Some people search for guidance in their own family or friends. Others prefer the help of professionals to obtain a proper orientation and to clarify doubts. It’s ever so good to look for an effective birth control method (pills, condom, or others) to prevent undesirable consequences. It’s important that you feel ready to reach out for this new level, no matter what moment you choose. This new stage should be better if there’s a minimum of privacy, confidence and affection between the two partners.