By Adriana Sommer da Costa
Psychologist and Sexologist
To talk openly about virginity meaning it. It's something much more casual nowadays, than in the not so long ago past. Seeing that for the youth, by and large, there is still a certain social pressure upon the still virgin ones as much as for the non-virgin ones.
So and when, by referring to virginity, are we referring solely to that person
- whether female or male-who has already had his/hers first sexual relation
Virginity entails a much broader sense. Even when we talk about it for the
very first time, therein lies lots of first time situations. As in the first
case of lips kissing- the very first time on intimacy-of the first breast fondling,
so on and so forth.
As virgins much fantasies mull our thoughts, mainly gals, mostly because the
so- envisaged dreams of pure perfection, just like in the movies, in literature.
There has been known that in reality, things don't go down that way, the expectations
or the anxieties and all those kinds of questioning will be present about the
first time, for example: Will it hurt? Is it going to bleed? Will I have to
switch the lights off? Am I in the right shape? Will I know what to do on spot?
Amongst others. It's absolutely normal to bear queries and doubts, after all,
it all comes down to something totally new in the person's life. And all that's
new is bound to scare somehow, raising concerns, risk taking, but attempting
to discover this brave new world is what moves us in search of this new phase
Virginity is a very personal concept felt in by own manner, so far as in aspects
emotional likewise on the physical sphere, so I firmly believe that, being virgin
does not depend on hymen rupture alone- as of women.
It occurs due to a question of human anatomy, whose woman to woman differential,
may occur due to rupture of hymen or not, consecutively some bleeding result. More often than not the rupture of hymen may occur during masturbation. Yet,
there are those women born without hymen, and then? Is virginity lost only with
Those are questions coming a long way and still remain intact for those of
repressed and conservative thinking. Predominantly, the origin of the word virginity
imbues strongly religious connotation. Being virgin means someone of feminine
gender who never had vaginal penetrations, and possess as a result of that intact
hymen. It's interesting for us to think about it, as it is being classified,
on matters sex, women who already had oral sex, anal, or any other type of sexual
relation and still manage to keep their hymens unharmed.
Once upon a taboo, this term virginity, was thus employed in order to deliver
women with dignity and honor to respective husbands. In so doing, modus- operandi
would ensure couples that their offspring were the real heirs of inheritance.
There would serve as criteria of inequality between men and women, for a man
could and should have as much sexual experience as deemed possible, whereas
a woman should remain pure and chaste until marriage, with little as sexual
experience as pleasure attributes if none. Thus, sex was deemed solely for procreative
purposes and men's delight. What about virgin men? Why are they so-persecuted?
As far as society and our chauvinist culture concern, for a man to be a real
man, it takes as many women laid and just as much sexual experiences on the
go. Otherwise, he is not considered macho/Casanova by established rules of societal
bravado. Slowly but surely, this kind of short-sighted concept regarding male
virginity being fading out. Young studs want to get out and about according
to their own principles and hunches, and not being subjected to pressures any
longer, and therefore initiate their sexual activities when feeling secure.
Decision making on the first sexual relation should left be up to them, and
surely, it should be as respected as carefully planned. It's a new track to
be treaded as such and it shouldn't be otherwise.
Alongside partner choosing, contraceptive methods, condom wearing, unwanted
pregnancy and STD's, are paramount. Free dialogues, knowing what the other expects
from relation, mutual concerns and liking, aims and so on. Doubtless, it's presented
mode looks like contest norms, but this not the way it works.
Anyhow, it shouldn't be that way, but all takes time, dedication and reassurance
of the chosen one. Time and confidence are staple ingredients for happiness
in sex, whether on the first time or tenth or on any other given turn.
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